An interview with George R.R. Martin*

It's hard to go back writing in a rational way after trying the write-whatever-the-fuck-you-feel-like-writing way. Can I go back and write about how much pleasure does my new coffee machine brings me? What about the book that I am reading? Wouldn't I belittle G.R.R. Martin's master piece if I try to describe how much better it is than Tolkien's Lord of The Rings?
I wonder what would a chat with Martin over a good Columbian/Ethiopian blend coffee be like? Perhaps he hates coffee. I can picture him all fat and sweaty telling me: "I'm more of a tea person". I look at him and say: "I can't understand, how can you not be a coffee person? You are probably one of the most famous fiction novelists of the new millennia and you don't drink coffee?" With a mocking grin he says:"No". Still unable to fathom his taste of hot beverages: "… but aren't all writers supposed to drink Starbucks's coffee and use a MacBook to generate creative ideas and bestselling novels? Aren't there some sort of pre-requisites in order to be published in the Newyorker?" He stays silent for a minute or two, then he says: "perhaps with a lot of sugar and cream I would be able to drink a cup of coffee." So I ask him: "shall I order you a double-double?" He nods. Five minutes later I am back with a medium sized mug: "here it is a double-double, just the way you like it."
Not wanting to waste any more time, I fire my first question: "how can you generate so many creative ideas?"
"I write more than I read. I don't waste my time reading other novels. I'd rather listen to music, and contemplate Damien Hirst's, Enno de Kroon's and Jed Martin's art works." He takes a sip of the coffee I got him, I can see that he did not like it. "De Kroon and Hirst I know them, but who is this Jed Martin?" It couldn't be… Displaying a shy smirk he says: "Well Jed Martin is a fictitious artist invented by Houellebecq. If Jed Martin existed he would've been my favorite artist of all times." I say nothing, he adds "What? Aren't we allowed to choose fictitious artists? There is nothing wrong with appreciating fictitious people, and making imaginary friends. Just like this interview we're having, remember it's all happening in your mind. You are not in Manhattan , and you are certainly not in Starbucks. Remember that you are sitting on your couch imagining this failed interview and watching BBC news worrying about the upcoming great depression! "

 
*Fictitious interview with George R.R. Martin